Cymraeg
Hwb

A parent and carers' guide to understanding online sexual harassment

Introduction

Online sexual harassment is the term used to describe any unwanted sexual comments or behaviour that takes place on a digital platform such as social media, games, websites, emails, direct messages or video calls. It can be public or private and can make a young person feel humiliated, pressured, scared, intimidated, exploited or discriminated against. It is recognised as a form of sexual violence and is something children and young people may be seeing regularly and, even if they are not involved themselves, affected by.

This resource has been written to enable parents and carers to:

  • understand what peer-on-peer online sexual harassment is
  • recognise the different forms of online sexual harassment
  • support any child or young person in your care who is experiencing or involved in these behaviours

Who it happens to

Online sexual harassment can happen to anyone, of any age. However, there is evidence of specific groups experiencing it more and experiencing more negative outcomes, such as girls and minority groups including children and young people who identify as LGBTQ+, as well as those with additional learning needs. Additionally, online sexual harassment can intersect with discrimination and hate speech.

Why it happens

There are a number of reasons why children and young people might become involved in online sexual harassment. For example:

  • they might not realise what they are doing is wrong because they believe it is a joke or banter
  • they do not expect it to be challenged as the behaviour can be normalised
  • they are copying harmful behaviour they have seen elsewhere, such as from a video or an adult
  • they have been influenced by peer pressure to join in because they want to feel part of something
  • they are doing it to deliberately hurt or embarrass someone (such as during the breakdown of a relationship or friendship)
  • they are continuing the behaviour from something that has happened offline

The different behaviours associated with online sexual harassment

Online sexual harassment can be categorised into 4 main areas. These are as follows.

  1. Non-consensual sharing of intimate images and videos
  2. Exploitation, coercion, and threats
  3. Sexualised bullying
  4. Unwanted sexualisation

  • This refers to when a person’s sexual images or videos are shared or taken without their consent. It may include:

    • sharing a nude or semi-nude photo or video without the consent of the person pictured
    • taking sexual images or videos without consent. This can also be referred to as ‘creep shots’, ‘upskirting’ or ‘downblousing’
    • taking sexual images or videos consensually but then sharing them without consent, for example when a relationship breaks down, with the intention to hurt or humiliate someone

  • This refers to when someone receives sexual threats or is blackmailed or coerced into participating in sexual behaviour online. It may include:

    • harassing or pressuring someone online to share sexual images or engage in sexual behaviour, threatening to publish sexual content (images, videos, rumours) to intimidate, coerce or blackmail someone. Also known as ‘sextortion’
    • online threats of a sexual nature or inciting others to commit sexual violence

  • This refers to when a person is targeted with sexual content or language to purposefully humiliate, upset or discriminate against them. It may include:

    • gossip, rumours or lies about sexual behaviour posted online
    • offensive or discriminatory sexual language online, or ‘outing’ someone online because of their actual or perceived gender or sexual orientation
    • body shaming – humiliating someone by making inappropriate or negative comments about their body shape or size

  • This refers to sending unwanted sexual, explicit or pornographic imagery or videos to someone. It may include:

    • sending or receiving unwanted sexualised comments, jokes, remarks or sexual advances
    • rating peers on attractiveness or sexual activity
    • using technology to sexualise or create sexualised images of a person. This could be the use of filters and virtual reality or by creating deepfake videos

The impact that online sexual harassment can have on children and young people

It is important to recognise that there is no single way that a child or young person may experience online sexual harassment. It can be felt intensely in the short term, but also can have long-term impacts on their mental health and well-being. Long-term impacts may be intensified if the content continues to be shared online or because the initial trauma of what has happened resurfaces much later. Online sexual harassment might also affect others who witness it or are trying to help support the child/children and young people involved, for example friends or family members.

Why children and young people may not report incidents of online sexual harassment

Children and young people might choose not to report online sexual harassment because they:

  • might not understand that this behaviour is wrong
  • don’t consider it to be serious, as it is seen to be a normal or expected part of being a teenager
  • feel embarrassed about what has happened
  • are worried it is their fault and they will be in trouble
  • are anxious about what will happen next
  • feel that they have let their parents or carers down
  • might have language difficulties and find it hard to explain
  • choose to ignore it as they are not ready to reveal their sexuality
  • are worried about speaking up due to religious or cultural reasons
  • don’t know how to report it

How to start a conversation about life online

While children and young people might find some topics embarrassing or personal, this advice aims to give you the language and confidence to approach talking about online issues in a constructive and supportive way.

  • Be positive about the internet and show an interest in your child’s online life in order to help them see you as someone they can talk with about online problems.
  • Talk early and often. The most effective way to deal with any issue online is to make conversations about the internet a part of everyday routine.
  • Create a safe space for conversations and look for opportunities to talk together. Pick an opportunity when you know you’re not going to be interrupted – you could talk in the car or when out for a walk.
  • Reassure your child that they can always come to you for help, and that you will not judge or criticise them.
  • Be honest if you are not sure about how to deal with something but assure your child that you will do your very best to help them.
  • Share your own experiences. Ask your child about their online experiences and how these make them feel. You may find things in common that you can share and use to show empathy.
  • Talk about safety tools together and why they are useful, for example how to report and block inappropriate content and manage screen time.

Talking about healthy behaviours and consent

To help support your conversations around online sexual harassment, talk about healthy behaviour and consent within relationships and what these mean in an online context.

Children and young people are still learning about their personal boundaries and while mistakes are a natural part of growing up, peer-pressure can cause them to doubt themselves or do things they would not usually be comfortable with. By talking about healthy relationships and the kind of behaviour that is or isn’t acceptable, you can help your child have the confidence to trust their instincts and manage difficult online situations.

Talk to your child about healthy and unhealthy behaviours.

  • Discuss examples of healthy and unhealthy behaviour within the context of a friendship or relationship. For example, someone who respects you should not pressure you to do something that you are not comfortable with.
  • Talk about what is acceptable and unacceptable to say or share online, and why.
  • Give your child some ways they could say no or get out of an uncomfortable situation.

Talk to your child about consent. Explain that consent should always be:

  • freely given. No one should ever feel pressured into giving permission for something to happen
  • Even if someone gave consent in the past, it is their right to change their mind
  • A person must be given all the information for them to be able to properly give consent
  • This means that seeking consent needs to be specific to that moment, and that no assumptions can be made

Warning signs that your child may be experiencing online sexual harassment  

Some children are good at hiding their worries or concerns, so it can be difficult to spot when something is wrong. General signs to look out for are:

  • not wanting to go to school
  • stopping activities they usually enjoy
  • increased anxiety or complaints of stomach ache
  • difficulty sleeping
  • refusing to eat or saying they’re not hungry
  • having become withdrawn
  • being unusually emotional or agitated
  • changes or less interest in how they use technology, such as ignoring messages, more time spent or less interaction with their phone or device

If you are worried that your child’s online activity or experiences might be the underlying cause of their change in behaviour, the sooner you talk about it with them the sooner you can help.

What to do if your child is experiencing online sexual harassment

If the child or young person in your care is experiencing online sexual harassment, the most important things to do are as follows.

  1. Remain non-judgemental and calm. Let your child explain in their own words what has happened, to understand the context of the situation. Be prepared for the fact that what your child tells you might be hard to hear.
  2. Show empathy and understanding. Let your child know that you believe them and you will do all you can to support them. Reassure them that telling you was the right thing to do.
  3. Ask open questions such as ‘What happened?’ or ‘What can I do to help?’ rather than questions that suggest blame, for example ‘Why did you do that?’
  4. Try not to remove access to the technology your child loves. They may feel more isolated or punished as a result, and unable to connect with friends for support.
  5. Take action to report and remove content.

What to do if your child is responsible for online sexual harassment

  • It can be upsetting or uncomfortable to find out that your child or young person in your care has been involved in or responsible for online sexual harassment, but it is important that you remain calm, that you listen and allow them time to explain what has happened.
  • If your child finds it difficult to talk about what has happened, suggest other options, for example they could write it down instead.
  • Reassure your child that you love them and are there to help. They will be feeling vulnerable and need your help and support.
  • Talk to your child about why their behaviour is unacceptable and the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviours.
  • Try to find out how it happened and who has been involved. It might be helpful to speak to a member of staff at your child’s school, especially if other young people from the school have been affected. Keep in mind that schools may need to refer any incidents involving nude images of under-18’s to the police if they decide this is necessary. Should this happen, make sure you are aware of your child’s rights. Visit Family Lives and LawStuff to find out more about this, plus the UK Government for information on the age of criminal responsibility.
  • If you find out that your child has been displaying harmful sexual behaviour and you are worried that adults are involved, it may be the case that your child has been coerced, exploited or threatened and has been the victim of grooming. If you feel this is the case, contact Child Exploitation and Online Protection (CEOP) for support.
  • You could contact Barnardo’s Better Futures Cymru ‘Taith harmful sexual behaviour service’ who work with children and young people who display problematic or harmful sexual behaviour.
  • Talk to your family and friends for advice and support.

Supporting resources

  • First published 22 September 2020
  • Last updated 20 March 2024