A guide to social media and gaming for parents and carers

A TikTok dance. The press of the ‘X Button’ on a games console. The number of likes on a selfie. For children and young people, these form part of their day-to-day online experience, but for many parents and carers, the landscape around social media and gaming is still unchartered territory. At this time of year, many children and young people will be getting their own devices, perhaps for the first time, beginning their digital journey. For many parents and carers, it may also be the beginning to their digital parenting journey too. Whether you’re a beginner or an experienced digital parent, this guide aims to outline the social media and gaming landscape and provide useful advice on how to help manage risk.

Let’s start by providing the context around social media and gaming for children and young people. Ofcom’s latest research found that 89% of children and young people aged 11-18 play games at least weekly (Understanding online communications among children 2023). Ofcom also found that 64% of children and young people aged 3-17 use social media. (Children’s media use and attitudes 2023). For many years now, social media and gaming have increased in popularity among young people, with many children having access to a device from a young age. Whilst the experience differs hugely for children aged 3 to those in their teens, it’s important to remember what a prominent role technology now plays in their young lives – to socialise, to educate and crucially, to have fun.

What drives children to use social media and play games?

Making, building, and maintaining friendships has changed significantly thanks to social media, and the way adults and children perceive and use social media can differ significantly. As adults we often view social media as a tool for communication, networking, and information-sharing. On the other hand, children and young people often see social media as an integral part of their social lives and a platform for entertainment. Messaging apps such as WhatsApp and Snapchat allow friends to chat 24/7, whilst platforms like TikTok allow young people to meet and connect with like-minded individuals across the globe. This prospect of a global audience can be exciting for young people and friendships can now be started simply with the click of a button –a thumbs-up or heart emoji to show you like someone’s video, or better yet, a positive comment. This level of interaction can be hugely empowering and rewarding for young people, especially for those who struggle to find ‘their people’ in the offline world.

Online games also allow children to connect, collaborate and compete with other players around the world. Gone are the days where you need to be in the same room (using the same console) to play together. Online gaming has meant that players can easily find others who share the same passion for a particular game as them, often forming teams or entering leagues together, communicating within a game or using third-party apps, such as Discord, to voice chat. The concept of gaming has also shifted too – young people no longer even need to be playing themselves to be immersed in the gaming experience. Watching livestreams of other people playing is also hugely popular on platforms such as Twitch.

Whether they chose to connect or play games privately, with known friends and family, or on open accounts with all other users on the platform, it is important to remember that both social media and gaming pose possible risks for children and young people.

The Four Cs

When thinking about social media and gaming there are four important risk categories to keep in mind, often referred to as ‘The Four Cs’. They are:

• Content risk – what they see online
• Contact risk – who they connect with online
• Conduct risk – how they (and others) behave online
• Contract risk – how the platform is designed and how their data is used

Managing content risks

With so much user generated content available online, there are a few measures you can take to help manage the content your child is exposed to. Looking at age ratings is often a good start. For social media platforms, check the ages offered by the Google Play store, the Apple App Store, or the developer itself. For games, check the PEGI rating. PEGI (Pan European Game Information) rates games based on content within the game. For example, a PEGI 18 game, such as Grand Theft Auto, is a game more fitting for adults rather than children and teens. Likewise, a PEGI 3 game, such as Rocket League, is suitable for all ages.

Whilst looking at age ratings is a good start to managing content risk, these ratings cannot guarantee the suitability of all user-generated content on the platform, such as harmful content that may occur within private chats. To help manage this, it is recommended that you and your child explore the settings menu to explore features which can help manage the content they see. For example, many platforms offer filters which will stop certain content from appearing in a feed or filters out inappropriate words and phrases within chats. Managing who your child connects with may further help limit the chances of being exposed to inappropriate content. Many platforms also have parental controls or family pairing options, which may be useful for younger users.

The best tool you have at your disposal as a parent or carer is to talk to your child. Keep an open dialogue with them about what they see online, both the content that they like, but also that which they may find upsetting or confusing. By taking an active interest in their online life, they are more likely to turn to you for support if they see something online which makes them uncomfortable.  

Managing contact risks

The best way to begin managing contact risk is to set an account to private. This will ensure that your child can only connect with their ‘friends’ on the platform. It is recommended that all younger users have private accounts. For older teens, who may want a public account, talk to them about the risks of connecting with people they do not know. These risks may include bullying behaviours in the form of abusive messages or continuous online harassment. It also might expose them to being sent inappropriate images, such as sexual images, from people they do not know. It may also mean they are exposed to people with bad intentions who seek to exploit children. Whether your child has a public or private account, ensure they know that they can always talk to you if they have contact with someone who makes them uncomfortable.

It is also important to keep open channels of communication with your child about their online relationships. Take in interest in the people your child likes to connect with online and talk to them about how these people make them feel. It is important that your child knows what makes a healthy online relationship and can detect signs of an unhealthy relationship. For example, ensure your child knows that they should never feel pressured to do anything that makes them uncomfortable, especially in exchange for gifts or money. If you have concerns about online sexual abuse or the way someone is communicating with your child, make a report to CEOP (Child Exploitation Online Protection).

Managing conduct risks

Conduct risk refers to online activity that make children and young people vulnerable to behaviours that they may later regret. As children’s brains are not fully developed until around the age of 25, it can be difficult for them to consider how their actions today can have negative consequences in the future. This is especially difficult for young people to manage online, when things can be shared at the click of a button. Features such as disappearing messages makes these even more challenging to manage, giving children a false sense of security about sharing. It is important to explain to your child that all content shared online can be screenshotted, saved and widely shared. Talk to your child about the potential consequences of their online behaviour and encourage them to consider whether they would be happy for everyone they know to witness it.

It is important that your child knows that they can always come to you for support if something goes wrong online. Ensure they know that you will listen without judgement and work with your child to help them manage the situation. Take time to become familiar with resources such as Childline’s Report Remove tool, which helps young people under 18 to confidentially report sexual images and videos of themselves and remove them from the internet.

Managing contract risks

The final C is often the most difficult to support your child with, as it covers topics that many adults themselves find confusing or are unaware of.  In essence, it refers to the way platforms are designed, which can cause a level of harm without you even realising. For example, long lists of terms and conditions that are impossible to read and understand, so instead you scroll to the very bottom and select ‘I agree’, just to get on to the app. Or how you find yourself endlessly scrolling through social media platforms, never able to account for how a whole hour has passed by without realising. Now, if you consider how difficult it is for adults to manage these features, imagine what it’s like for your child.

Talk to your child to explain that many games and social media platforms have been designed alongside behavioural scientists to maximise the amount of time people spend on them. Explain how features such as notifications and winning bonus rounds have all been created to encourage users to engage with the platform for just a little longer. Or how auto-play on some video-sharing platforms means that users will simply be served more videos without the need to select the next one. Once your child is aware that their behaviour on many games and platforms is being manipulated, they might find it a little easier to manage. Take time to explore the settings menu with your child to find the right settings to help manage their time spent on the platform. It is also recommended that you disable in-app purchases for younger users, until they understand that real money is used to make purchases on a platform.

There is no single best way to protect your children online. After all, every child’s needs are unique. Yet, our work with children and young people has taught us that often, the support of a parent and carer is their best defence. By taking an active interest in your child’s online life and starting the conversation, that may be just the support they need to develop digital resilience.

App guides for families

For specific guidance on over 40 popular apps and games used by children and young people in Wales, visit the In the Know section in the Keeping safe online area on Hwb. Each guide has been written with parents and carers in mind, outlining how the platform is used, the specific risks on that platform and detailed information on managing the settings.